Spaced Out
by The Writers
Summary: Vulcans acting illogical?! Is that even possible!? Read and find out. Reviews are greatly excepted. ^_^


Spaced Out  
  
A Radio Play By:  
  
Dile  
Azalea  
Lyrae  
&  
Adrian  
  
Characters:  
  
Kriss  
  
T' Lirus  
  
Cast Man All played by Lyrae  
  
Roy  
  
Kid  
  
Announcer T'Pring Vlythe All played by Azalea T'Omoa  
  
Recording Computer All played by Dile T'Vek T'Ritalus (AKA Jack Bob)  
  
Narrator All played by Adrian Klingon Narrator: Today on Star Trek: "The Stuff They Don't Want you To Hear" We have "SPACED OUT" a story about a ragtag gang of Vulcan misfits who face many strange and entertaining situations including a Klingon invasion and an attack by a little leprechaun.  
  
Roy: Oi- de- doy- de- doy!  
  
T'Vek: And the purple monkey!  
  
Narrator: What the.? Get away from the mike you two, anyway, let's get started.  
  
Music fades in.  
  
T'Vek: Space with all its pretty colors with strange, strange shapes and hands that look like fish, pumpkins, purple monkeys.Ah! Purple monkeys!  
  
Narrator: Ok. Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT! Cut the music! (Music cuts) That's it! Get that stoner off the mic! Who let him in?  
  
Sound: sounds of dragging and T'Vek screaming  
  
T'Vek: Nooo! The purple monkey! It's gonna kill us all!  
  
Narrator: Ok. Let's get it right this time. Wait, where is the guy who usually does this?  
  
Cast Man 1: Uh, he didn't show up.  
  
Narrator: Gaav, can anything else go wrong. (Sound: Thwack! Thump! T'Vek's rambling stops.) OK. Switch to the recording.  
  
Music fades in.  
  
Recording: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the (Narrator: VSS Illogical). Our five-year mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.  
  
Music fades out.  
  
Narrator: Our story begins in T'Ritalus's (AKA Jack Bob) quarters on VSS illogical; captain H'raening Kuristahl (Raining Crystal) or Kriss, has come to help Jack Bob with his predicament.  
  
Sounds: (Fades in) sloshing, suction, heavy breathing  
  
Kriss: It's stuck! It's stuck!  
  
Jack Bob: How the friggidy did it get stuck?  
  
Kriss: I don't know how! All I know is it's stuck! You're having fun one minute, then the next, it's stuck!  
  
Sound: slosh, thumping, banging  
  
Jack Bob: You're having fun at a time like this? How could this possibly be fun?  
  
Kriss: Well, I've done this a few times before. I'm good at it!  
  
Jack Bob: What do you mean you're good at it? It's stuck!  
  
Kriss: Well it's not my fault!  
  
Narrator: Just then, Jack Bob's secret lover, T'Pring, walks in.  
  
T'Pring: Ah, man! You guys are at it again? How many times a day do you have to do this?  
  
Kriss: (sarcastically) Whenever we can!  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, outside the quarters, T'Omoa, Vlythe, and T'Lirus are waiting outside listening to what's going on.  
  
Vlythe: Are they actually doing what we think they're doing?  
  
Narrator: T'Lirus, being very protective of T'Omoa, covered her ears.  
  
T'Omoa: What do we think they're doing.hey! Why are you covering my ears? I wanna hear!  
  
T'Lirus: No, hunny. You can't hear.  
  
Vlythe: (whimpering noises) Are they doing what I think they're doing? I always knew Kriss was a little off, but..  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in the quarters.  
  
Kriss: Just quit complaining and help us!  
  
T' Pring: Well, I don't know. I've never done this before. I've only watched.  
  
Kriss: That's OK. We'll show you how.  
  
Jack Bob: Another person will just make it worse!  
  
T'Pring: Wouldn't it be easier for me to assist you if you got out of the bathtub?  
  
Sound: water splash, sloshing, echoes (from slipping)  
  
Jack Bob: OK. We have to stand up at the same time or we'll screw ourselves over again. On the count of three.  
  
Jack Bob & Kriss: 1-2-3!  
  
Kriss: (Sound: Beeeep!) You're pulling too hard! You gotta be gentle!  
  
T'Pring: Should I take it now?  
  
Kriss: Yes. Do it very gently.  
  
T'Pring: This? Am I holding this right?  
  
Jack Bob: Oh, T'Pring. You are good with your hands!  
  
Kriss: Yeah, that'll come in handy later.  
  
Jack Bob: Shut up, Tinny.  
  
Kriss: Jack Bob  
  
Jack Bob: Tinny.  
  
Kriss: Jack Bob!  
  
Jack Bob: Tinny!  
  
Kriss: JACK BOB!  
  
Jack Bob: WHAT!  
  
Kriss: Jack Bob! Ha!  
  
Jack Bob: O, Fudgeo!  
  
(Voices fade out)  
  
(Music fades in.)  
  
Commercial:  
  
Narrator: Speaking of fudgeos, let's have a word from our sponsors.  
  
Announcer: Are you tired of fudgeos with one layer of frosting?  
  
Kid: Yeah.  
  
Announcer: Then try our new triple stuffed fudgeos. It's sure to give you a nice sugar buzz.  
  
Kid: Whee!  
  
(End of commercial)  
  
Narrator: Now back to our show.  
  
(Music fades out.)  
  
(Voices fade in)  
  
T'Pring: We're almost there! Keep going!  
  
Kriss: Push! Push!  
  
Narrator: Just then, T'Vek walks in and crashes into things.  
  
Sound: crashes  
  
Jack Bob: T'Vek, how'd you get here?  
  
Narrator: Suddenly, Roy is pulled from the drain.  
  
Sound: pop  
  
Roy: (gasps for air) Thank gaav I'm out of that bloody tube.  
  
T'Vek: You got the gnome, man! How'd you get the gnome out? I thought I stuck him in there for good. Now you gottem' out? You guys are hosers.  
  
Kriss: Why did you stick him in there, anyways?  
  
T'Vek: I was sittin in my room, man. And there was like, I was just.just, y'know, chillin, like you know, doin some "work" and then.. Then the gnome came in! He was all. like shootin' daggers at me with his eyes. So I'm like, 'Whoa' and he's like, 'hey!' and I'm like 'uh, uh' so I grabbed the little bugger and stuck him in the hole.  
  
Sound: T'Vek in the background rambling.  
  
Narrator: This continued for several minutes as Roy ran out of the room.  
  
Roy: Oi- de- doy-de-doy  
  
T'Vek: Bye, bye, gnome.  
  
Jack Bob: You let him go! I can't believe you let him go!  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, the others outside notice Roy's departure.  
  
Roy: Oi-de-doy-de-doy!  
  
T'Lirus: What the heck was that? Did a little blonde kid just run out of the room singing?  
  
T'Omoa: He, he! Little gnome!  
  
Roy: Oi-de-doy-de-doy!  
  
Sound: thumping and scuffling  
  
Narrator: Roy, eager to continue his mischief, climbed into the Jeffrey's tube.  
  
Vlythe: Who's Jeffrey?  
  
Narrator: Umm, it's a figure of speech, Vlythe. Ahem. Just then, T'Vek, T'Pring, T'Ritalus, and Kriss exit the room. All but T'Vek look disheveled.  
  
T'Omoa: What were you doing?  
  
Jack Bob: (calmly) T'Vek shoved Roy down the drain and we were trying to get him unstuck. What did you think we were doing?  
  
Vlythe: (panicking) We thought you were . you were.umm .I...oh, my! But were you.?  
  
Sound: loud thump  
  
Narrator: T'Omoa pulled out a stick and began poking Vlythe.  
  
T'Omoa: Sticky! Vlythe, are you dead?  
  
Vlythe: (snores)  
  
Computer: You do know that Roy's loose on my ship and destroying the circuitry!  
  
T'Vek: Hello, computer! Have you seen the monkey lately?  
  
Computer: That's it, you stoner! Go back to your quarters!  
  
T'Vek: I don't need you!  
  
Narrator: T'Vek storms off while the others search for Roy. Meanwhile, Roy is beating the warp core with a golf club.  
  
Roy: More power to the weapons!  
  
Sound: bang, bang, bang  
  
(Voices fade out.)  
  
Narrator: We'll be right back to our story after this brief message from our sponsors.  
  
(Commercial.)  
  
(Voices fade in.)  
  
T'Vek: I wanna tell you about the time when I had some really good shrooms.  
  
Cast man 2: Um, T'Vek? This is an anti drug commercial.  
  
T'Vek: Oh! Ok. Don't do rugs. They'll mess you up bad. Don't- don't man. Don't do rugs. Last time I did rugs, man. whoa! I was looped for a month! Dang that monkey! He almost got me. Watch out for that purple monkey. And make sure to watch out for the monkey!  
  
(T'Vek's rambling fades.)  
  
Narrator: Now back to our show.  
  
(End of commercial)  
  
(Voices fade in.)  
  
Narrator: The computer, suffering from some problems due to Roy's mischief, shuts off all non vital systems, including lighting. Unfortunately, the back-up lights failed to activate, leaving our characters in total darkness.  
  
T'Omoa: Who turned out the lights?  
  
Sound: horror music, explosion, crashes, screams, someone falls  
  
(Vlythe wakes and screams.)  
  
T'Lirus: Vlythe! You're alive!  
  
Computer: Klingons off the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow. Klingons off the starboard bow, starboard bow, T'Pring!  
  
T'Pring: What?! Shut up you useless hunk of computer chips! You're the equivalent of the original apple!  
  
Computer: Shove it you ugly bag of mostly water! Your IQ is no higher that six!  
  
Kriss: Six? That's a bad IQ for a glass of water!  
  
Vlythe: Water has intelligence?  
  
Kriss: No, Vlythe! Water doesn't have intelligence.  
  
Jack Bob: OK. The lights are off, Roy is loose and trying to destroy the ship, and we're being attacked by Klingons, and we're doing absolutely nothing about it!  
  
Narrator: Jack Bob, being extremely stressed, begins to calmly walk in the direction of his quarters.  
  
Jack Bob: I'm going to my quarters.  
  
Sound: power up  
  
Computer: I have managed to get power back up, but we'll only have minimum lights. Luckily, life support has been unaffected by Roy's mischief.  
  
Narrator: Suddenly the ship rumbles, and the lights go out again.  
  
Sound: rumble, short circuit.  
  
Computer: Uh, oh.  
  
Narrator: Suddenly a section of the wall explodes with a great rumble a strange light poured from the hole in the wall, the shadowy figure of a behemoth Klingon warrior stepped through the newly formed opening carrying a phaser pointed at Vlythe.  
  
Klingon: Today is a good day to die.for you!  
  
Vlythe: Eep!  
  
Narrator: Will this be the end of Vlythe? Will Jack Bob and T'Pring ever get together? Will someone catch Roy? Tune in next time.  
  
Computer: Next time? Roy's going to destroy me!  
  
Narrator: How do you know that Roy will destroy you?  
  
Computer: Because I'm the computer and I know everything.  
  
Narrator: No! I am the narrator! I know everything!  
  
Computer: No, I do!  
  
Narrator: I do!  
  
(Fade out with them arguing.)  
  
Narrator: Now that I've gotten rid of that darn computer let's finish the conclusion ok. where. was I. oh yes. AHEM. Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of. "Spaced Out" on "Star Trek The Stuff They Didn't Want You To Hear" Brought to you by "Triple stuff fudgeos, slightly better than the regular ones." And " V.A.R.S.E., Vulcan's against rugs society."  
  
T'Vek: Don't do rugs!  
  
Narrator: In todays show Azalea Played T'Pring, T'Omoa, and Vlythe. Lyrae played Kriss, T'Lirus, and Roy.  
  
Roy: Oi-de-doy-de-doy.  
  
Narrator: Dile played T'Ritalus (AKA Jack Bob), T'Vek, and that darn computer.  
  
Computer: I heard that!  
  
Narrator: And Adrian played the Klingon and the most important character me the narrator!  
  
Computer: Thh! You important! Ya right!  
  
Narrator: OK it's on now!  
  
Computer: Bring it!  
  
Sound: Scuffling  
  
Narrator: Oww! No biting!  
  
(Voices Fade)  
  
Roy: Oi-de-doy-de-doy!  
  
Story By; Allison Didzena,  
  
Stephanie Meade,  
  
Valerie Banman,  
  
&  
  
Adam Shanks 


End file.
